he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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