I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
