I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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