my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize