I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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