in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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