Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
