Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
