i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
