I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
