Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
