um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
