I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize