he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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