ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
