He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
