Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
