I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize