mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
