are you still at the devil's house?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
