kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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