the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
NoShamevember. You game?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
