Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
