I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
