I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
