We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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