he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
only if we run a train.
done.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
