I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize