dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Two words: blizzard sex
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
