y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
