i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
