I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
