Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
