I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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