If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
