Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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