He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
