Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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