Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
