I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
