so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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