You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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