I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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