She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
