remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
