She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
