i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
