What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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