i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
