I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
