you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
