So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
