I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
