So drunk its hurt
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
