You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
