Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize