I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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