I feel great
I just peed on a car
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
