I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
