She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
