It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
