We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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