Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
