I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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