and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
