Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
