I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
