Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
