thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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