after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
