If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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