Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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