Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
