I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
