did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
