i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
