you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize