I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she smelled like a LAN party
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
