ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
