I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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