that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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