Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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