I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
