his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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