Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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