remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I love having hate sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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