I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
