i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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