I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
