i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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